Reflections

Although I am thankful for each new day, really, I am, I miss my children and grandchildren. I miss my friends. I miss making plans. I miss waking up each morning, hitting the snooze button multiple times, then jumping out of bed and racing to ready myself for work, and most always sliding into my desk at the very last minute.

Punctuality was not a personal strength ..... until 2005. I finally grew up, learned self-discipline with regards to being punctual, then got taken down by a couple of deer-tick bites. Unbelievable. But .... back to the story. 

I miss making plans for grocery shopping, even those late-night trips to Walmart, so my kids could have their friends over to wreak havoc on the kitchen, watch TV all night, run in and out of the house, etc. I miss making plans for the weekend, grabbing some happy hours, meeting new people, making plans for New Year's Eve ..... then after it was all over, heading back to work on Monday morning. I miss those yearly trips to Cherokee where I met up with friends. I miss Pow Wows. Once on a whim, on Valentine's Day, I drove to Lansing Michigan for a Pow Wow. By the time I got there, an hour remained, I ate fry-bread, then drove back to Kentucky. I miss jumping in the car and taking off when the Wind brushed past me and called my name. Yes. I am blessed in many ways, I know this - this is not a complaint. It is however, a gesture to remind those close to me how much I miss them and how blessed I am that they have shared my life and allowed me to share theirs. ♥

Conclusion

It's always best to know where you stand. And to allow others the same respect. I concluded that just this very night.~Posh (cmm)

Celebrate Our Lives

Just as we move on from one year to the next, relationship to relationship, the many journeys we make in our lifetimes, one day we make the final Journey. The big one. We all, sure as we are born, must make the crossing from this life to the next. There's no getting over on it, no manipulative movement can give us an escape; it's going to happen to all of us. 

No, I have not always been so accepting of this. Nor were my yesterdays so brave and maybe tomorrow I will take yet another plunge downward into grief for my loved ones who have already made that final trip. But for today .... 

A high school classmate has taken the journey that we all must face one day. We so wish that his time hadn't come so soon. It brings to mind my own brother who was friends with this guy and I feel certain that he met him at the crossing. May God, Creator and finisher of all of us, wrap a blanket of warmth around Rick's family as they learn to accept his moving on to the next life. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourselves to grieve, and in doing so, honor his love of life, his beautiful creation - his daughter - and know that he will always be with you. Always. This I know.

Free Leonard Peltier - Signatures Needed

Please sign this petition to free Leonard Peltier:

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/free-leonard-peltier/p3yk4sjr

25,000 signatures are needed by Dec 13. Please sign and pass forward.

Thanks.

Honoring Our Veterans

In honor, and memory, of my Grandfathers before me, my Father, my beloved Brother, all my Relations before me, those living Relations, far and wide who have served and are still serving our Country. Those who have, with their lives, served for other Countries to ensure their safety. For all the Veterans, everywhere, who have sacrificed their lives, whether in death or absence - for us. May you be blessed always. You've given so much, so selflessly. May you ever remain highly recognized and held in high honor as our true Heroes.

Show Me Something Real

Recent months have brought me to a stopping point by slamming me into a brick wall. Again. I don't know how many times my head had to be slammed (really) before I stopped, looked up, cried out "Please, please make something "real" in my life." Life had come to the point of not much feeling real. It felt as though I was floating out there watching everyone else's life going on, moving forward, yet mine had become the stagnant green sitting next to that moss-covered pond.

Today was just a step. But indeed a step. I did something. I got up this morning, began busying myself and I did something worthwhile; and not good as in I treated myself to Subway.

Creator of my Soul, I thank you for showing me something real.

Gray - We all are gonna have it.

I said I'd never color my hair. I was 20 something then. "There's something good about each stage of our lives, and I will never color my hair." Said the 20ish year-old without a need of doing so ... Once I began, it has been extremely difficult to not continue.

Ever seen a Cocker Spaniel escape out of the house and run, run, run like crazy? The look on his face as the wind is blowing his fur .... "Borrrnnn Freeeee"!

That's how I felt this morning. I finally, after two years of deliberation, decided to take the first step of transitioning from my very dark hair into the gray that was very quickly overwhelming my head. I've grown so weary with slapping color after color on it. That can't be good for it. Additionally, I don't want to keep aging with very, nearly black hair. How natural is that? Not at all. My gray hair is coming in at such a high speed so I decided to work with it rather than keep fighting it.

So .... the first step was today. On the left - is before (2 wks ago) and the right - is after (today). I suppose I should have taken the time to put on some makeup. :)

... and here it is ....

Headache. Thank you for visiting. Will you kindly go away?

Dreams. If you must visit me nightly, please refrain from wreaking havoc on my Psyche. Last night when you gave me a white horse that the vet cut the four legs off of? I didn't like it. Not funny in the least.

Lonely days. Thank you for your extended stay. I have taken heed of your teachings, so will you please now take leave and allow me some meaningful companionship of the opposite sex? One man is sufficient. He must be a good man. Good looking man would be nice. People say looks don't matter - I say that's somewhat true - somewhat not. Two people must be attracted to one another, but each individual has their own measure of good-looking.

Friends. You have been away too long. Call me. No, I probably won't answer. Email me or text me. I'll roll it over in my brain for a while, then contact you. Don't be offended. It isn't intentional. It's just the best I can give.

Family. You have hurt me. Really. I try to get over it, and I do succeed. Then you return and do it again. I can't get past the devastation if you continue to pile it on. I'm sorry I'm sick with Lyme. This is my blog. I'll tell it from my point of view.

Lyme. Go away. Stay away. I don't need, nor want, your returned visits. You didn't even go away this last time. You're still here. You hurt. You have robbed me of so many years of my life which would better have been spent being a fun, happy Mom and Nana.

Society. Let it go. That's what you tell me. How can I walk on when you keep throwing it up in my face? Check the Bible. I think there are some instructional passages on the subject.

Karma. I almost left you out. Sorry. Remember when I was a little girl in those hills of Kentucky and we played in the rain and I poked those frog's eyes out then put them in that rain barrel? I've lost sleep over it. Can we please let that go now?

Sarcasm. Thank you for showing up in the nick-of-time.

Morning Rant

While Americans are busy fighting over the race to the White House, elders are being forced out of their homes & having to stand aside while government demolishes their only shelter. Will government also provide them with another home?  http://www.bigislandvideonews.com/2012/10/25/eviction-of-abel-lui-and-supporters-at-kawa-underway/ I doubt it. Just my opinion. Children are being - I can't even find a word to describe the unspeakable acts - millions are without homes from this most recent disaster, and probably some still homeless from disasters passed. Veterans are fighting for rights that should be theirs without hesitation. People are sleeping on benches and gutters and alleys for lack of a better place to lay their heads. And please don't say it's because they did this or that .... this is something that should never be allowed to happen. Women are being told they deserved to be raped - we hear every day that America is the most compassionate, blessed, strongest Nation on Earth - if that be true - then why are these atrocities happening to our family? Yes. Family. Don't turn your head and close your eyes. You're not an Ostrich.

~^~ BEAR ~^~

I wrote this in 2002, and now I'm LOLing. Why? Because I finally escaped to the Cherokee Mountains in August of this year - and ya know what? I, nor my dog, could barely sleep for fear of a Bear breaking in our cabin. I know, I know ... I'm not the tough one I used to be. Living at the foot of a Mountain, no weapon, shaky door handle, and alone - well, I failed miserably .... BUT - with all that said, I really did have the following vision:

~^~BEAR~^~

In the first hours

of August 18

I closed my eyes, and

a Vision came to me.

Bear was climbing

up a rock-covered hill,

With eye-gazed invitation

to follow of free will.

Although struggles of life

keep me here in this smoke -

I knew the message of Bear

would clearly unfold.

Purity in Spirit

has left me I fear,

but restoration is waiting

in the cave, with the Bear.

~Crystal Mary Murphy

08/21/2002

My Last Dance

I turned from you

without words

My Heart beating with yours

was all I heard.

I somehow knew

we spoke a silent goodbye

Once again tears flow

from my Soul

Without questions of "Why?"

Your voice carries soft

breezes across my skin

Although we never touched

I hold you within.

My feet danced me

around and around

Longing for a new world, but

there was none to be found.

With my arms flowing high

and all of me free

I dance and I dance until

my Spirit sings.

When you see me out there

free as the Wind

Twirling and smiling

as though there will be no end

Don't take what you see

into your mind

It's only dreams taking me

to a sweeter time.

Temporary poison

consuming my Soul

I am nothing you see, but

all that you don't.

~Crystal Murphy

April 2, 2006

I Will Wait

I Will Wait

My Heart cries out to the Creator of the Mountains,

Come shower me with your cleansing rain!

Fill up my Spirit with the strength that has walked

with me time and time again!

I will shout to the highest of your majestic hills

I will cry til the tears are no more

I will plead and wait, and hold on to the courage

to walk through the next opened door.

Peace, sweet peace in knowing You're there

in a world full of betrayal and pain,

I'm praying oh God, come direct my feet -

Fill my Soul with a Song of your Grace.

~Crystal Murphy

October 31, 2004

This Day ...

... should be recorded.

It's been years. I can't count back the number. But years since I looked at a Christmas tree without feeling sadness.

Today, I realized these past couple of weeks I've been in a healthier state of mind. No sadness, no wanting to run to somewhere else. I am thankful for this blessing.

I've reached a good place and I think I'll reside on this plane from now on thank you very much.

I don't want to look back; people are cruel. I don't want to hurry time; I'll miss out on too much. I think I'll just stay here in today, everyday.

~Crystal Mary Murphy

15 Nov 2011

I Will Survive

In February 1988, my knee was broken. The doctor told me I would never walk again, normally, and that I most definitely would never dance again. How many of you have known me these past 23 years? That doctor was wrong. Ya hear me? He was wrong. I have danced my a$$ off. I have walked just fine.  And have done both in heels. I was determined.

I have, today, found that strength again. I am not going to let this Lyme Disease take me down. Anymore. I am determined to get healthy. Stay healthy. Live happily.

Who knows? I may even dance again.

That is all.

~Crystal Mary Murphy

Dec 8, 2011

Another Murphy Jig

Come now and tell me a tale,

Of how life is born,

then turns stale.

We must jump, laugh,

and dance a jig,

For tomorrow may be

the last little gig.

Love who ya got in your life,

From birth til the end,

Resist the strife.

Get on that horse,

Step up on that box,

Cuz nothin's worse,

than facin a loss.

Be happy today,

pray at night,

Don't say life is wrong,

Believe that it's right.

~CrystalMaryMurphy

Feb 16 2012

Who are those Immigrants?

With each post or article or piece of news I see where the U.S. and its' occupants are complaining about immigrants. My mind takes me back to when from across the waters came tyrants to strip the Indian People of their homes. Not all immigrants, I know, but the majority and as we all know - majority rules. Not that it's a good thing, but a sure thing.

Native languages were beaten out of the mouths of babes and ENGLISH was browbeaten and brainwashed into them - body and mind. Never their Soul. Nourished land was claimed for their own while the First People were forced onto land less desired by those particular immigrants. Innocent people were dragged from their homes in Africa, being forced to a strange land and treated worse than homeless dogs.

Forget the past? Sure, let's do that. But first society and all inclusive of will need to stop this wrong-doing. Will they? This still goes on today, hidden yes, but it still exists. But kill a snake? Enough said.

Define Christian. Christians they call themselves. No. I am not downplaying God, I am speaking of how ironic it is that a Nation who supposedly is based on Christianity has stripped, murdered, stolen, and beaten, to death in some instances, anyone or anything in their so-called path to righteousness. I can't speak for anyone but myself, and I am here to say that I don't worship a heartless tyrant. I worship God, Creator of every living being on this planet, not just Caucasians.

So ... when someone says to me "Everywhere I look there's a f***ing Mexican, etc., I have replied with "I wonder if that's what the Indians said all those years ago?"

There is too much emphasis on misplaced ideas.

Crystal Mary Murphy

June 16, 2012

Ancestral Voices

EASILY OFFENDED,

YET QUICK TO FORGIVE,

THIS IS HOW I CHOOSE TO LIVE.

OR IS IT REALLY A

PATH OF CHOICE - 

OR THE MEMORIES FROM AN

ANCESTRAL VOICE?

~Crystal Mary Murphy

24 Jun 2012

Get On With It - America's Children Are Calling

I will be doing a dance Nov 7 when the Presidential Elections are over. I just hope, whomever wins, that there's not a riot in the street of every town & city of America. I am so weary of all this. Get on with it. The world is getting uglier and has been for years, regardless who has held office. The fun little world we played in as children is gone forever. My grandbabies, I fear, will never know the joy of going out in the morning, ripping & running through the woods, then coming home when it is time to eat a hotdog & drink koolaid. Do something about that - someone - either Party. Get rid of these people who are abusing our children. Take'em down. They're TERRORISTS committing crimes against our young.

From the Heart of a Mixed-Blood

I just, without intent, started a misunderstanding between two dear friends.

I suppose in a way, I should not make offensive comments about Christopher Columbus. I am a person who has always been able to understand the two sides to everything:

I am Cherokee/Shawnee/Powhatan. I so get that Christopher Columbus destroyed our land by his sailing into it. Our People were dwindled down, massacred, stripped of everything but their Spirits and forcibly marched off to reservations at the hands of the Europeans. Need I say more? If so, I will be happy to elaborate.

I am also Irish. My Irish Ancestors too suffered at the hands of the Europeans. Some were forced out of their own land and into slavery. Not considered good enough to be at the top of anything. Even in the Titanic, a true story, they were forced to sail in the lower deck, "Steerage" also refers to the lowest decks, and many were locked in to sink with the ship.

One would think I would hate every non-Irish European. However, had this horror not taken place - would I be here? Were all the events of this Earth part of a divine plan?

Being of mixed-blood is not a fun, nor easy road. Walking, or struggling to walk, in a balance of the two is like an emotional handicap. We don't fit-in in either world, nor does either world really want us. Before anyone misunderstands that last sentence, know that - that is exactly how life has been for me. And now - I am dying; it feels like it with this disease running rampid. But then, with each passing day, we are all closer to our demise.

Another two-world handicap - is being partially raised in a church with their teachings, yet having my Heart & Soul teach me that going to a building does not guarantee me a one-way ticket into a better world.  I am not even fully accepted by the very church-going people I was brought up with; to them, I am a backslider. One who disobeys teachings. I don't know about, nor can I speak for anyone other than myself, but I pray daily that there is a better place to walk after this life.

It's no wonder so many people are losing their minds. Remaining sane is an everyday fight.

I guess I'm somewhat like Pocahontas, I see beauty in all things. If, in fact, that is how she really was. Her story is only told, to my knowledge, through the eyes of the Europeans. I'll have to resesarch that.

Give Us Your Tired, Your Poor . . . .

I have been in a crazy way today. I'm not sure of the culprit, unless it's not just one, but several piling up. One thing for certain, my dream from last night has weighed heavy on mind.

     I was in a setting something like a concentration camp, but it wasn't supposed to be apparent to those of us there that we were actually in a camp. There were no children present. Adults only. Weird, aged, and some young adults. We were being carted around in jeep-type vehicles, taking groups from one location to the next. As we'd leave one area, that area would blow up and the incident was portrayed to us as an accident. Those who had just been dropped off were killed in that explosion.

     The people driving the jeeps held an arrogance about them as though they were hiding the fact that we were doomed. To me, it was apparent. I kept silent.

     There were other incidents, conversations with folks like myself, etc., that went on throughout this dream but the vividness of it has escaped me.

     I awakened from the dream before it was my turn to be dropped off, but I was on the way .... we didn't know when it would be our drop off, but we were intelligent enough to know what had happened to us.

I, as a child, an elementary child in class .... I used to gaze out the window imagining I saw men in uniform dropping to the ground. Although only a child, I knew that what I imagined was a take-over, yet being that  child, I had no idea how to relay my premonitions.

This is something that does not drift so far past what my Grandfather Skirvin always said would happen to the old, the sick, and the poor of this Country.

In case someone is saying I had those thoughts as a child in class because of hearing my Grandfather speaking of such . . . that is not the case. I was in my late mid-late 20s when my Grandfather first spoke of this to me.

Could it be? Seriously? Could it actually be that our seemingly compassionate Country will one day rid itself of the very people it called to from the Statute of Liberty?

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Don't Let The Moment Pass You By

I am still fighting the LYME Disease battle. Overcome by pain, I do very little else.

I have located a Lyme doctor in Ohio. If you are reading this, please pray with me that this is the answer and I will soon be back to normal - as much as I can be.

Each time I become motivated/inspired to blog, by the time I get signed in to this site, I have lost the words.

I went to the Mountains for a few weeks. I wanted to live there, but must admit that I am not as tough as I once was, nor as I thought I still was. There are critters down there that I am unfamiliar with and quite frankly, living at the foot of a Mountain in an unfinished apartment with a shaky door handle, without a weapon - and very alone, is not my idea of playing it safe. Yes, my BFF Cordie was with me, but she was frightened as well. There was no lighting outside, therefore, no outside trips to potty. She hated the Mountains. I loved them.

I have several subjects swirling around in my head tonight, so be ready for the topic to change without notice.

I was reflecting earlier about a time when I lived in Cincinnati with my parents and brothers. I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 years old. This, mind you, was a time when we were at a very young age when sent to the store with money and a note for the grocer with instructions on what to buy. Oh well, never mind. I had this earlier, now it's gone.

Lesson: Don't let the moment pass you by.

Twenty-four years ago today, I became (so-to-speak) a resident of Barbados, West Indies. Beautiful island. So gorgeous and satisfying that I have often wished I had stayed. But on my own. I do not regret walking away from the situation there, I only regret that I did not know how to remain there on my own. Had I gone alone in the first place, I would have never left.

I don't like this ....

I am not liking the new blogger at all. That's right Google. I don't like the way it looks, feels, etc. It's not user-friendly. I enjoy looking at my page, re-reading stuff, then blogging anew ... this new thing is too difficult to get around in. I hope you're reading this Google. I surely do.